Oct. 27th, 2013

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I really feel like I'm forcing myself into social interaction at the moment - on the way to the Once More With Feeling Singalong a friend organised last night, I nearly turned back about three times. I'm glad that I didn't, since I had a good time and it was just what I needed. Still, it was difficult in a way that social situations never used to me, so I'm making myself go out and meet new people.

I've signed up for my first practice with the London Jeerios, the jeerleading squad for the London Rollergirls. In the new year, I want to go to the beginners hip hop class that Irreverent Dance run, and I'm planning on going out with my old walking group again. I also want to start going to the RHPS showings at the Prince Charles cinema in Leicester Square. The last one this year is 1 Nov, so I think I'll start going in the new year. It feels terrifying to even think about 2014 in practical terms, but I think if I have fun planned for next year as well as work, I'll feel happier about it.

I feel pretty dreadful right now - zero self-esteeem and I feel utterly worthless. I'm starting to get the kind of external validation I really need right now again - a new editor has been in touch about some freelance work for a magazine I've really wanted to break into for a while now, and it looks as though I'll have something consistent at another website. It's helping my confidence when it comes to applying for jobs as well - there's only one person who thinks I'm stupid and lazy and not the right kind of intelligent in a world full of people who value me. I just have to hold on to that.

I've booked a few days in Edinburgh between Christmas and New Year - partly for family stuff, but partly because I just want to spend some time in my favourite city again. I really need to move back, but somehow I feel like I should do that when I'm less broken. I want it to get the best of me, not this crappy excuse for a girl.

about me

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Tass

October 2013

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